Deb Smouse

I never finished a column for the May issue of ATG. That is the first issue in….ages…that I have not made a deadline. Yes, I have missed mid-issue updates, but the first time I haven’t hit the release of an issue.

I started three different columns, by the way. All of them updates on where I am with my Three Little Words this year. I think I just had so much other stuff filling my head that I didn’t accomplish putting my thoughts on paper as well as I would have liked. Here, I may blabber on a bit about this and that - and not really worry that each sentence is grammatically correct or that my writing stays on topic.

I’m not quite sure what my June column will be, but I am determined to have one.

I did have some things that were quite well written, though, at least in the beginning, so I thought I would at least share them here in this personal space of mine…..

We are almost midway through 2008 and I am happy to say that the three little words that I chose to guide me this year are still a part of my life. Passion is my ever-present companion as I look at pieces of my life. I am constantly finding joy in spending my time doing what I enjoy. Granted, most of us enjoy what we enjoy, however, I have had moments in the past where I would feel downright guilty. This year, though, I am simply enjoying what I love…allowing the passion to lead me where it leads me. I am tiring of making apologies for my unconventional interests (like WWII Aviation) and for indulging in my occasional luxuries (like my hair and my nails).

I will tell you that it is a struggle. A struggle break habits of years of apologizing for being myself.

In 1997, I was “typed” as an ENTJ on the Jung / Meyer-Briggs Type Indicator. Years of personal experience and research has shown me that this typing is accurate, at least in my world. Every once in a while, I will drag out old reference and management books that I have liked enough to keep in my library, recently, it was “Please Understand Me II” by David Keirsey. The first lines of the book rang loud and clear to me:

“If you do not want what I want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong…..Or if my beliefs are different from yours, at least pause before you set out to correct them. Or if my emotion seems less or more intense than yours, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel other than I do…..I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up trying to change me into a copy of you”

How many times in my life have I apologized to someone in my life because I was different? How am I to be true to my passions if I fail to embrace the differences in myself? And stop trying to conform simply for the sake of conforming?

I do not succeed each and every day with remembering all three of my words, but I do see some marked progress. As I wrote about in my March column, I was struggling a bit. When I realized what was happening….and managed to step out of that with courage and allow the changes to take place….I found something else. The more vibrant portions of my personality that I had tucked away into a compartment so that I could satisfy the needs of my biggest client of 2007 is still there, inside of me. That vibrant personality was too much for the enviroment I was working in for the bulk of the time. Being couragous enough to take a harder look at myself, I stepped out…and away….and realized that I had given into that fear and settled in a space where my career was stangant and no matter what zest I found for life, I was doing myself a disservice because my passion was diluted.

Watered down passion is more tragic than it is to live a life without passion in many ways.

I still struggle with forgiving myself as I do others. I know that a base part of my nature is to be self-critical, and re-reading about ENTJ’s reminded me of that. I had delved, though, into something more along the lines of self flagellation. It’s a matter of opening up my heart a bit and finding, once again, the seeds of compassion.

I was reminded when talking to Lee that in many ways, the compassion I do have for others is self-taught, so it’s no wonder that to be more forgiving and passionate to myself, I would need to try a little harder.

2008 is turning out to be a wonderful year. I have a feeling that part 2 will be even more rewarding than part one was.

You know I will let you know…..

Last year, I spent a fair amount of my time simply trying to survive. The travel was constant, but part of my lifestyle, the work rewarding in many ways, but I also discovered that when stressed emotionally, it is very exhausting. Mentally. Physically. Oh. and Emotionally as well. I thought I was in a situation that I couldn’t walk away from. It was fear, honestly, if we get down to it. Fear of something different. Because even though I was stressed out and drained, I didn’t have the courage to make a change.

When I began wrapping the project - earlier than I would have liked - but still - began wrapping. I became relieved. My heart told me that I had been making the right decision because my gut didn’t tighten up.

This week has been my first full week working with my newest (big) client. It has been really great in so many ways. I love the project and the work and really am liking the people. As I mentioned yesterday, I have a bit of a routine going, now, so that is a very good thing for me. I have also realized that in the right circumstances, I am a bit of a workaholic.

or. a lot of a workaholic.

I don’t always see that as a negative, by the way. I have been fairly absent from much of a personal life outside of work anyway, that it isn’t a detriment. I would like to spend some time writing, of course, but while writing may one day pay all of my bills, at the current moment, putting together puzzles and providing my QA background does.

I have gotten to dinner with friends a couple of nights this week. That has been a very good thing. I have NOT made it to any of my favorite spots in DC (besides dining establishments - LOL)….but if the weather holds tomorrow, I will visit Arlington and/or Lincoln.

I DID go into the office today for a few hours and it felt so good to get a head start on Monday. but I took time to get my toes done - and have a nice dinner.

I hope everyone is having a good week. Once I get into better routines, I’ll get better at keeping up with correspondence….blogging….and back to regular phone calls. And now it’s time to say goodnight….and snuggle into my comfy bed with way too many pillows. Much love.

I’ve had a busy - but a good - week.  I just haven’t gotten over here to write much.

I forget, at times, how comforting routine is.  I have little things that I do when I am traveling to make things run more smoothly for me, and as things happen, I get out of those routines.  This week, however, has it’s own little pattern and is reminding me while my brain likes routines.

I just need to work in the routine of writing in this little pattern.

My hotel room is a clear sign of this love of routine.  I learned the unpacking thing from The Pilot Guy and sure enough - on trips where I live out of my suitcase, I am out of sorts but yet when I am unpacked and existing…..life is better.  Isn’t it funny how one simple thing will make out of order into a comfortable order?

I wonder at times, what housekeeping thinks of guests.  Don’t you know they have fabulous stories?

It’s rainy and gloomy here today, but I am safe and inside so the only casualty is truly my hair.  I hope YOU have a fabulous day.  It’s Friday!!!!

John has tagged me on this Me-Me-Meme thing…..

The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about himself or herself. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

1. Ten years ago I was….married and attempting to be the perfect PTA Mom. I learned that I was an ENTJ. I learned about business forecasting. Got my first computer and connected to the World Wide Web (aol!)

2. Five things on today’s to do list:

1. Post a review for The Host by Stephenie Meyer over at ATG’s Blog
2. Condense a large spreadsheet to print on letter sized paper
3. Revise a flow chart
4. Take my Omega-3 Fatty Acid Pills and my Daily Dose of Aspirin
5. Update my goals for the week on my weekly compass.

3. Things I’d do if I were a billionaire.…give money to worthy charities….travel to new places….keep working…..buy a condo in the DC area right on the River…..hire my hairdresser to travel with me

4. Three bad habits….

1. Not exercising enough.
2. Cursing.
3. Not getting enough sleep.

5. Five places I’ve lived:

1. Mansfield, TX
2. Arlington, TX.
3. That’s it to be honest. I’ve been at my house now for 20 years.
4. If we count extended work, I add Tulsa, OK / Joplin, MO or Alexandria, VA? I have stayed in those cities consistently….

6. Six jobs I’ve had in my life:

1. Retail Manager
2. TV Camera Operator
3. Executive Assistant
4. Quality Assurance Manager
5. Maytag Product Specialist
6. Entrepreneur

To continue this lovely little Meme, I tag: Melissa, Chris, Lorissa, Jim and Eric.

Each morning, there is the possibility of you waking with the troubles and grudges of the day before - or the chance to start fresh.

I think I prefer to start fresh - and seize the day with all the wealth of opportunities.

We can learn from Icarus. Don’t be afraid to seize the day and soar….but always keep your head about you…..

(photo from the National Air Force Museum, Dayton, OH)

Ahhh….The National Air Force Museum in Dayton, OH.

Satisfying my lust for lovely planes….like Shoo Shoo Shoo Baby….The B17…..

I’ll share more of my photos later this week. For now, it’s brunch with Kiddo…and then finish packing. The car service will pick me up a little before 4 PM today as I head into DC for a couple of weeks. You should see my bags so far (thank Goodness I am Exec. Plat. with AA! Their new policy on bags goes into effect the 12th of May!)

It was nice to be home for a few moments….but I am also looking forward to next week!

The work with my newest client will be (mostly) out of the DC area and my next trip in will involve staying 12 nights in a row. In one way, I am really looking forward to it….because the thing that stresses me on the travel is all the back and forth part. Once I am in a city, I’m usually good.

Especially when I am in DC. I am always good when I am in DC.

But I digress.

I am working on a never ending checklist of things to do before I go. In the last few days I have:

• Bought several new suits (no time to lose enough weight to get into old ones)
• Got my Estrogen Shot
• Bought Pet stuff: dog food, guinea pig food
• Dog to Groomers
• Nails Done
• Hair Colored and Cut
• Cleaner’s
• Kid’s Meds Filled

I know there are still things I need to do….and I need to start packing since I am going for such a long stretch. Good thing I know a couple of folks in DC with washing machines

Now, the good thing about packing is, if I stay at the same hotel each trip, I can leave stuff there. You know, bathroom stuff, and suits that have been cleaned. Stuff like that.

I am hoping a little bit more structure to my work days will help me structure better some other things. For some reason, I find the more I need to do, the more I actually accomplish. We’ll see if it holds true. I am hoping that I will visit the gym at the hotel - and I know that I will do more than a little bit of walking. Part of the reason i chose the hotel I did was that it is in a place where I can walk to places for dinner - or hop the metro and go somewhere.

Tomorrow, I am heading to Dayton, OH and will be visiting the Wright Patterson Air Force Museum. Home Saturday and then back out Sunday evening.

gotta run. Dog is done being groomed. And I have kids to pick up from school in a bit…..

Happy Hump Day!

I spend a larger portion of my time communicating with clients, colleagues and friends via electronic means.  I keep appointments and reminders on my Outlook calendar.  But.  Sometimes.  There is nothing like paper.

Looking inwards and evaluating myself  is worthless if I don’t take advantage of what I discover about myself….then what is the point?

One and off since 1998, I have used an old-fashioned “daytimer” (though I prefer the Franklin Covey System).  To be downright honest, my business hasn’t gone beyond the need to handle life electronically in the last couple of years.  The scope of work for my newest client is making me long to go back to tabs, paper, and a weekly compass.

Sitting on my doorstoop today…..FRESH paper….though I haven’t used the system since 2005, it was so comforting to dig in and organize my pages the way I like….and I’m looking forward to transferring appointments from electronic to paper.  It will be a dual system, but for meetings and the like, you can’t always pull out the laptop.

There is comfort in paper.  And comfort in the clear understanding that in some situations I function better with pens and papers…..even in the electronic age…..

Other Airlines have started it, now American has joined in. Joined in on what? Charging $25 for a 2nd checked bag on Domestic Flights…..

We want to make sure you’re aware of the current checked baggage policies before you head to the airport. Customers who purchase domestic economy class tickets on or after May 12, 2008, may check one bag for free and check a second bag for $25 each way. Our carry-on policy of one personal item (such as a purse or laptop bag) plus one bag remains in place.

Check out the FAQ on AA.Com

I know its about fuel costs - as extra weight in the planes adds to the use of fuel….but I also think it’s a way for the airlines to simply make more money. I’m safe, because I have status with American - this will hurt, not the business travelers, but the leisure travelers……

Today has been a somewhat leisurely day….breakfast, out to Arlington Cemetery, and then for a nice brisk walk down King Street.  I had a lunch that was kind of bad for me, but I figure the walk helped balance that out!

I didn’t realize how beautiful the cherry blossoms are after they have begin to fall.  So very lovely…littering the sidewalk or scattered in the grass.

For some reason, I am tired now….but maybe because the airport is boring.  not too many folks……the gate agent hasn’t even begun working the flight and we board in about 15 minutes.

My mind is kind of blank right now….as if the things in there are tucked away in the back.  I’ll dig them out en flight….I tend to think well then…….

I have until tomorrow on this trip….and I am thinking that tonight, I need to visit this man….or at least his Memorial.

I really enjoyed my visit to the Jefferson Memorial earlier this month, but it isn’t in my heart like The Lincoln Memorial is.  I think, tonight, after work, I will make a visit to Old Abe…  Spring in DC is wonderful…not too hot, not cold….cherry blossoms litter the streets….

Work is going well.  Yes, I am already at work.  I spent the day in the office yesterday and am starting to begin to mentally settle in.   The back and forth will be interesting, as it is with any contract, but I think the true test will be the first two weeks of May when I am up here for the long haul.

I tend to forget things when I pack, so I am beginning a checklist.  Clothes and such for 2 solid weeks is different than packing for a weekend.

Time to run so I can head into the office…I have a meeting at 9 AM.

YOU have a truly wonderful and fabulous day!!

Well, this is no longer a writing week.  I had one day where I was able to spend more than a few stolen moments writing, so I can’t exactly call that dedicated writing time.

I agreed to a new consulting contract yesterday.  The rates are inline with what I wanted for PM type work, so I was thrilled.  To top it off, it’s going to be a real challenge.  I thrive on challenge, so that makes me super excited.  I am actually beginning today on the work.

Otherwise, I’m just so thrilled to be in the DC area.  I love it here and it always comes back to me when I see the Washington Monument, the Capitol or the Masonic Temple in Alexandria.  Even if I am working and can only look at them from afar, I still know that the city is out there….and at night, I can still….breathe in in….

Have a fabulous Thursday!!