Deb Smouse

I have to say that the Ghost of Christmases Past certainly were here this year…surrounding me in many ways. It’s funny….Christmas is supposed to be the time of beautiful memories…. Hot chocolate by the fire as the presents are opened….the family gathered around the table, sharing turkey and mashed potatoes along with conversations about life and love. Rarely does Christmas fit the Currier and Ives images.

Work stress - and all the mess with closing one career down had left me so not in the “spirit”. The pieces of Christmases from my marriage….brought back to me some of the lovely moments, but mostly, it left me needing to deal with some of the things I avoided the last couple of years. I purged quite a bit. I blessed another family with boxes of decorations, including the angel topper i purchased the first year of my marriage. I sent a couple of boxes of items back to my ex-husband…. My tree this year is filled with the ornaments of my children’s Christmases, a few ornaments from my childhood….and the few birds I purchased this year.

We went to my sisters last night….and I realized last night that the drive to my sisters is very reminiscent of the drive to my Aunt’s, where we typically spent Christmas Eve when I was a child. I can remember driving home late on Christmas Eve…just dying for Santa…and struggling to keep from falling asleep on the half hour drive home.

It hit me when we passed the giant Cement Factory…at night, all lit up, it looks like a huge steamship. Now, as the mom, I am driving…

The ghosts of my childhood are both good and bad, typical likely of many…..My mother is, well, my mother. Often childhood was a struggle of spending time with one side of the family vs the other side. Mentally ill (or emotionally abusive) parents often put children in more of the position of caregivers….but I never noticed the issues until I got a little older….maybe 5th grade or so?

During my marriage, I gained some courage to step away from my parents at times. It took even more courage to step back into their lives.

The Ghost of Christmas Present did well. After dinner at my sisters, where I got to hold and love on my 6 day old great-nephew, the girls and I came home and watched a movie. Em and I stayed up another hour talking….a very good talk - about what she wants in the future…and to discuss some of the stress we are both going through right now.

After a very leisurely morning…and the youngest heading to her dad’s….I had dinner with Em’s boyfriend’s family. They were so kind and welcoming…and I can tell that they love my daughter.

Now the house is blessedly quiet. Greta is snoozing beside me….and it’s time to climb into bed, write in my Gratitude Journal…and get some much needed sleep.

I hope the Ghosts of Christmas Present were kind to you this year….and that the Ghosts of Christmases Past weren’t too bothersome.