Double Standards
Posted on 07. Nov, 2007 by Deb in Just.....Me, Just....Working
I am wishing I had more consistent readers right now - ones that would provide comments and feedback.
Today was full of meetings. With this contract, I am one of only 3 women consistently in our meetings. And yes, I admit (and not in a conceited way) that I am the most attractive. One of the ladies is older and a grandmother -and the other is just…cold… I work in a guy’s world and I knew that getting into it.
I have always been able to be better friends with men than with women overall, and can simply be - and be treated as - one of the guys. With some considerations. I always dress conservatively - nothing low cut, nothing short, nothing tight.
When I arrive - or am leaving, it isn’t unusual for there to be exchanges of hugs, warm hand shakes, pats on the back (not butt, back). There is affection - I’ve been working closely with - and spending dinners and lunches - with these folks for months. We’re friends. I am warm and at times motherly.
Tonight, when talking with the Boy who needs a nick name, the one I met through work and have been dating some, commented on how close I am with some of the guys….I laughed and said I am just motherly towards them…then he commented:
You can’t be too warm or too motherly or you will be seen as not professional - and just a girl. Someone to type their notes. Not someone that keeps their historical records.
Why?
Why does the fact that I am an attractive woman mean that I am seen as a set of tits instead of a person with a brain? Why do attractive women in business have to be this way?
With this group, I have never been anything but the professional - and only one person knows about my past - and he certainly isn’t telling ANYONE.
I called Buddy Boy - someone I used to date - but who is one of my best friends now - and asked him. He says it’s because the Boy who needs a nickname is simply insecure when he sees my easy relationship with this group of men.
One of the things I have struggled to do is to re-find my true self - and part of that true self is a warm and affectionate person who appreciates people on all levels.
Something clicked over the last week. I have felt the pieces of myself that used to bubble and sparkle and simply love life….To be honest, I haven’t felt this way since before I had children.
Do I have to tuck this part of myself away - again - to be seen as professional?
Maybe I am just tired - I’ve been up since 3:30 this morning - it’s 8:30 and I won’t arrive into DC until almost 1 AM. And I am a little frustrated.
I don’t do jealousy nor do I do possessiveness well. And I damn sure don’t want to have to not be myself.
Gotta run, time to board another flight. Maybe I will nap and get back into my loving life mood….
