Head over Heart

I confessed something to the Pilot Guy the other day.  We were doing the typical negotiation of your schedule VS my schedule VS family responsibilities VS desire.  I had an opportunity to make a quick visit and while my heart wanted to go, my head prevailed, and I told him not this time.

It’s one of my words…that guiding principal of Courage that lead my head to the decision.  It seems, in a way, counteractive to Passion…because I do enjoy spending time with him, but if you know everything in my head, you would see that I am being true to what I want for my life…what I am working on this year.  See,  the words of “I don’t know exactly what time I can pick you up, but it won’t be past 8″ were not good enough.   I needed the commitment on his side that if I traveled to him, on a Sunday, that he would leave his parent’s house in time to pick me up within an hour of me landing.

I tell you, even six months ago, I would have just agreed, because I miss him right now…. and I need a break from work and family…and he always provides that.

So, the confession to him?  Pure honesty.  I told him that….in the past, I would be afraid that if I said no, I might not get another opportunity.  And the fear of not seeing him again would be a great loss to me….my head has reminded me that it would be a loss to him as well.

Being able to realize that passion is about more than a moment of time….but about how I choose to spend the majority of my time…. it doesn’t make sense to sit at the airport and wait…knowing that this is a man who has admitted he will likely be late to his own funeral.  I need a break…from the “Road Warrior” life work is leading me to….and if I’m going to get on a plane to get that break, I need to spend it in the company of friends…and not waiting for friends.

So, there’s the courage of it all.  And it breaks my heart.  But maybe, it needs to break a little more if I expect it to ever be whole…..