Deb Smouse

One thing I had decided when I started re-blogging was that I was just going to go with the stream-of-consciousness writing here. I blog in another place that has to be polished -and any other writing I do, besides quickie emails - has to be polished. But damn. I need to write in the mornings and not the evenings.

It’s been nice to be home for a full week, but I am getting the itch to want to travel again. I think it’s become such a part of my being…my routine….

I had hoped to do some more de-cluttering this past week….but being sick and not feeling like leaving the house for several days kind of put a damper on that. My office is back in order, at least, but the rest of the house….. well….it’s not really the house, but the closets and the drawers.

I think the Christmas Tree thing is just another sign to me. Last year, I didn’t put up a tree until the week before Christmas. And the year before? I didn’t bother. I used to love decorating for Christmas. The house was done over - with all the decorations of daily life getting put away and the house becoming Christmas everywhere….but I kind of lost that desire after the divorce.

No, not after the divorce. a YEAR after the divorce.

I’m not sure what put me in the Christmas Spirit yesterday…maybe the work of a gratitude journal and being a little more focused on life is helping. But I’m thinking I need to hurry up and do it because I’m also afraid I’m going to LOSE the spirit if I’m not careful.

And when I started to pull out the ornaments yesterday, I realized I have some antique ornaments that were my ex-husband’s grandmothers. I think that is when it hit me that maybe Ineed something fresh. I mean, I always bought the girls new ornaments every year, but I never really bought stuff that was for me….at least, not after the first couple of years.

What DO you do with the “Our First Christmas” ornaments and stuff like that, anyway?

It’s weird. It’s been 3 years. I think it’s time to move on even more than I have. What a fucking struggle and mess….so tempting to just put those boxes down on the curb and start fresh…even if it means a really sparse tree this year.

But I can’t do that either, because I need to at least go through and pull out the girls’ stuff…and my ex needs to take his grandmother’s ornaments.

Ugh. Maybe I need a therapist to help me go through the Christmas stuff. Any volunteers?