Deb Smouse

I didn’t want to make any specific plans for the day - just the ability to hang out and do…..not much….is a huge bonus in so many ways.  We’ve been to the movies (Indiana Jones), I went and got a facial while kid had a massage, we’ve had sushi and pizza…and last night watched some of our favorite episodes of Sex and the City to get the story in our minds before the movie comes out…..

I forget that my kids aren’t’ always as willing to hop up and go as I am….we need to buy some summer clothes for kiddo and she is resisting….as sitting on the couch - reading and watching TLC with me - instead of going to buy some new shoes and shorts.  Actually, she wants the new shoes - she just doesn’t want to have to try on shorts

I have a list of things I need to do for two different clients.  And I also need to write my column for June .    But  I did get some necessary things done - like some laundry as well as my billings, which includes expenses.

No matter the list, though, it is a pigtail day.  No make-up.  No pantyhose or heels.  Flip flops are the footwear of the day….and yep….my hair is in pigtails today.  The folks at the mall won’t mind when we do finally make it there….

I’m going through the Fall / Winter Catalogs for Hachette Books (Little, Brown)….picking through the books to review and authors to interview….and it’s amazing the number of authors that live in the Virginia / Maryland / DC area.  It’s a wonder I don’t pass one of them by on the street

Yes, I know that it is only Memorial Day weekend, and not yet Memorial Day, but I have some quiet time right now…and want to post while my mind is fresh.

For many, Memorial Day is a time for BBQ and heading to the lake or simply a three-day-weekend. For others, though, it is the time to remember those that have been lost in service to our Country.

Originally called “Decoration Day”, origins are traced back to the Civil War and the activities of Southern Women decorating graves. The first official observation, though, was May 30, 1868. In 1971, Memorial Day was declared a National Holiday by Congress, who established not May 30, but the last Monday in May as the official date.

It’s odd to be home on Memorial Day weekend…as the last tow years, I have celebrated Memorial Day in DC. It felt odd to be leaving yesterday in a way.

This past week, though, I did find time to go to Arlington National Cemetery. It was a rainy day….and cool….not like my first visit to Arlington….but not unlike other visits I’ve made over the years. (photos here of my November 2007 visit). As a promise to The Pilot Guy, I visit a friend’s grave whenever I go to DC. I failed a bit this last month - and to be honest - was feeling a little guilty because I hadn’t visited since April….but I did finally get there….and was able to pause and bow my head in prayer….as I placed a model airplane on a special grave.

Pictured, though, is the grave of another man - Michael Kelly. I met his brother on a trip to Arlington last year. We were on the tram tour and passed right by his grave. I helped him and his wife get back to the grave - actually a senetaph (empty grave) of his brother (his body was never recovered). And I promised I would visit regularly in the future (the photo is from my April visit - I didn’t take my camera this week).

There are such amazing people as Hap Arnold and Pappy Boyington there….and yet their graves go unvisited and their contributions to this nation and our freedoms at times, forgotten. Arlington National Cemetery isn’t a simple tourist attraction, but an active cemetery with an average of 20 funerals per day there.

but, I digress.

It’s Memorial Day weekend and I hope that in the flurry of activities - or during your time of relaxation - you pause a moment to send a mental thanks to those who made the ultimate sacrifice.

I went to dinner with The Marine Boy tonight. This month is kind of our three-year anniversary . Yep, three years ago we met and have been friends ever since. At times, there has been a teeny more than friendship, but it has always boiled down to friends. Being with him is comfortable and it’s more like I’ve known him for thirty years - instead of three. We met for Mexican food and sangria…and then he kindly dropped me off at my hotel after.

I’m struggling to stay away through Grey’s Anatomy (there is a commercial on) because after all the excitement over shoes, I couldn’t sleep last night. so I stayed up and worked. I need to pack as I need to head home tomorrow.

I’ve had a headache most of the week. But getting out tonight helped that tremendously.  I need to find a better way to balance of things when I am traveling for work……

I go through spells in my shopping, but this last weekend, I was shopping with kid and we stumbled upon a pair of shoes that I began to first like…and the like grew into full lust…..

This incredibly sexy and lovely Marc Fisher Peep Toe Pump.

Problem was, ti was only available in a size 7 1/2. I wear and 8 1/2. Kiddo, who wears an 8 to 8 1/2 managed to squeeze her foot into the floor sample…..just because it was so pretty - and then she told me I simply HAD to find them somewhere so that she could wear them around the house.

At 12, she doesn’t have a need to wear platform heels. but hit has never stopped her from slipping into my shoes when she had the urge. I did end up buying a pair of Bandalino sandals though…..

Then tonight, I happened by another Macy’s and went to see if they had the incredibly lovely Marc Fisher pump…but alas, they did not - except in a size 10.

I was incredibly bummed.  It’s been….oh….15 years….since I’ve had some black-and-white pumps - and it’s so nice to see them back in style.  But, of course, there was not a single one of the 4 black and white pumps in my size.

Then, when I was looking around and waiting while the salesman checked the back room, I saw these black patent mary-jane-ish peep toe pumps.  No, they aren’t black and white….but they are still just too cute for words.

So, they ended up finding a new home with ME instead of sitting all lonely in the stock room at Macy’s.

I honestly don’t know what is up with me, but I am finding a new appreciation for shoes.

I mean, let’s face it.  Overall in my wardrobe - both clothing and in shoes - I am a lover of the classics.  Lots of black and navy.  Lots of clean lines.  Lots of basic pumps.

But every once-in-a-while….I step outside my box.

Overall, today was a fabulous day.

I have this “gianourmous” to do list and today was able to knock of this incredibly huge chunk.  there is still more there, but progress feels fabulous.

I hate to drive in DC but at times, I will admit, the cab drivers scare me.  This morning on the drive into the office, I had one of those drivers.  that scared me a little.  especially since it was raining.

by the way, please forgive all the lack of capitalization.  I am rebelling a bit….since I spent a portion of my day looking at text…and to be honest, like the feel of small litters filling up the writing space here.

it’s the little things that count - LOL.

I did have a very delightful interview with author Breena Clark.  Her novel, Stand the Storm, will be available in July….she was so warm and personable.  Her first novel, River, Cross My Heart, was a lovely success for her.  Before the interview, I was feeling kind of droopy, but she energized me.

Tell me.  how was your Tuesday?

I’ve been thinking a lot about karma….and passion…..and courage.  That is two of my three words for 2008….and a third word that has been a focus for me for more years than I can easily count.

Today on my flight into DC, I sat next to a flight attendant…and we talked about work - and he asked me “is it something you are passionate about” and I was able to honestly say “yes”.  I am so blessed to be able to say that to someone that asks, but more importantly, that I can say it to myself.

I’ve been dealing with courage in many forms the last few weeks.  Sometimes, we make decisions and are unable to recognize our own courage within those decisions.  But sometimes, we are.   I still have a lot of things that I fear, but it doesn’t make me stop trying.

And Karma.  Ah, the ever present what goes around, comes around.  It’s why, when I am frustrated or discouraged or just plain angry, I try to dig deeper into myself and find the spark of compassion….compassion that doesn’t come naturally to me, by the way, but is learned.

Pardon the disjointed thoughts.  they do tie together - at least where I am….today….May 19th….as I begin my 40th year.

Sleep well, my friends.

I can no longer say I’m in my thirties……

It seems like just yesterday I was unpacking everything and putting item exactly where it belongs.  Now, it’s time to smush everything back into my suitcases, figure out what I am going to leave at the hotel (since I will be back on Monday) and what I need to take home.

I did get a head start on my expenses tonight, digging each receipt out of the many pockets of my purse and briefcase and such.

It’s been a very long - but very rewarding week.  I’ll work out my own reward system for other bonuses for working so much the past couple of weeks.  It will be more than worth it

sleep well, friends……

tonight is one of those rare nights when I am simply wanting comfort.  I had sushi for dinner, which is one of my favorite things.  and vanilla ice cream for dessert after I got back to the hotel.

But there are other kinds of comfort on my mind.   comforts I will find the next time I visit Chicago.  Tonight,  Instead, I will climb into bed, listen to a chapter of a book…and drift off to sleep.

It’s good to start fresh each day……  sweet dreams.

I never finished a column for the May issue of ATG. That is the first issue in….ages…that I have not made a deadline. Yes, I have missed mid-issue updates, but the first time I haven’t hit the release of an issue.

I started three different columns, by the way. All of them updates on where I am with my Three Little Words this year. I think I just had so much other stuff filling my head that I didn’t accomplish putting my thoughts on paper as well as I would have liked. Here, I may blabber on a bit about this and that - and not really worry that each sentence is grammatically correct or that my writing stays on topic.

I’m not quite sure what my June column will be, but I am determined to have one.

I did have some things that were quite well written, though, at least in the beginning, so I thought I would at least share them here in this personal space of mine…..

We are almost midway through 2008 and I am happy to say that the three little words that I chose to guide me this year are still a part of my life. Passion is my ever-present companion as I look at pieces of my life. I am constantly finding joy in spending my time doing what I enjoy. Granted, most of us enjoy what we enjoy, however, I have had moments in the past where I would feel downright guilty. This year, though, I am simply enjoying what I love…allowing the passion to lead me where it leads me. I am tiring of making apologies for my unconventional interests (like WWII Aviation) and for indulging in my occasional luxuries (like my hair and my nails).

I will tell you that it is a struggle. A struggle break habits of years of apologizing for being myself.

In 1997, I was “typed” as an ENTJ on the Jung / Meyer-Briggs Type Indicator. Years of personal experience and research has shown me that this typing is accurate, at least in my world. Every once in a while, I will drag out old reference and management books that I have liked enough to keep in my library, recently, it was “Please Understand Me II” by David Keirsey. The first lines of the book rang loud and clear to me:

“If you do not want what I want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong…..Or if my beliefs are different from yours, at least pause before you set out to correct them. Or if my emotion seems less or more intense than yours, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel other than I do…..I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up trying to change me into a copy of you”

How many times in my life have I apologized to someone in my life because I was different? How am I to be true to my passions if I fail to embrace the differences in myself? And stop trying to conform simply for the sake of conforming?

I do not succeed each and every day with remembering all three of my words, but I do see some marked progress. As I wrote about in my March column, I was struggling a bit. When I realized what was happening….and managed to step out of that with courage and allow the changes to take place….I found something else. The more vibrant portions of my personality that I had tucked away into a compartment so that I could satisfy the needs of my biggest client of 2007 is still there, inside of me. That vibrant personality was too much for the enviroment I was working in for the bulk of the time. Being couragous enough to take a harder look at myself, I stepped out…and away….and realized that I had given into that fear and settled in a space where my career was stangant and no matter what zest I found for life, I was doing myself a disservice because my passion was diluted.

Watered down passion is more tragic than it is to live a life without passion in many ways.

I still struggle with forgiving myself as I do others. I know that a base part of my nature is to be self-critical, and re-reading about ENTJ’s reminded me of that. I had delved, though, into something more along the lines of self flagellation. It’s a matter of opening up my heart a bit and finding, once again, the seeds of compassion.

I was reminded when talking to Lee that in many ways, the compassion I do have for others is self-taught, so it’s no wonder that to be more forgiving and passionate to myself, I would need to try a little harder.

2008 is turning out to be a wonderful year. I have a feeling that part 2 will be even more rewarding than part one was.

You know I will let you know…..

Last year, I spent a fair amount of my time simply trying to survive. The travel was constant, but part of my lifestyle, the work rewarding in many ways, but I also discovered that when stressed emotionally, it is very exhausting. Mentally. Physically. Oh. and Emotionally as well. I thought I was in a situation that I couldn’t walk away from. It was fear, honestly, if we get down to it. Fear of something different. Because even though I was stressed out and drained, I didn’t have the courage to make a change.

When I began wrapping the project - earlier than I would have liked - but still - began wrapping. I became relieved. My heart told me that I had been making the right decision because my gut didn’t tighten up.

This week has been my first full week working with my newest (big) client. It has been really great in so many ways. I love the project and the work and really am liking the people. As I mentioned yesterday, I have a bit of a routine going, now, so that is a very good thing for me. I have also realized that in the right circumstances, I am a bit of a workaholic.

or. a lot of a workaholic.

I don’t always see that as a negative, by the way. I have been fairly absent from much of a personal life outside of work anyway, that it isn’t a detriment. I would like to spend some time writing, of course, but while writing may one day pay all of my bills, at the current moment, putting together puzzles and providing my QA background does.

I have gotten to dinner with friends a couple of nights this week. That has been a very good thing. I have NOT made it to any of my favorite spots in DC (besides dining establishments - LOL)….but if the weather holds tomorrow, I will visit Arlington and/or Lincoln.

I DID go into the office today for a few hours and it felt so good to get a head start on Monday. but I took time to get my toes done - and have a nice dinner.

I hope everyone is having a good week. Once I get into better routines, I’ll get better at keeping up with correspondence….blogging….and back to regular phone calls. And now it’s time to say goodnight….and snuggle into my comfy bed with way too many pillows. Much love.

I’ve had a busy - but a good - week.  I just haven’t gotten over here to write much.

I forget, at times, how comforting routine is.  I have little things that I do when I am traveling to make things run more smoothly for me, and as things happen, I get out of those routines.  This week, however, has it’s own little pattern and is reminding me while my brain likes routines.

I just need to work in the routine of writing in this little pattern.

My hotel room is a clear sign of this love of routine.  I learned the unpacking thing from The Pilot Guy and sure enough - on trips where I live out of my suitcase, I am out of sorts but yet when I am unpacked and existing…..life is better.  Isn’t it funny how one simple thing will make out of order into a comfortable order?

I wonder at times, what housekeeping thinks of guests.  Don’t you know they have fabulous stories?

It’s rainy and gloomy here today, but I am safe and inside so the only casualty is truly my hair.  I hope YOU have a fabulous day.  It’s Friday!!!!