Deb Smouse

Reality of the Situation

Posted on 28. Nov, 2008 by Deb in Just.....Me

I cannot look my blog in the mirror and not stay these words:  I have gained some weight.

I think it’s something many folks find when they hit their 40’s…you put on a few pounds that seem a littler harder to take off.  And I also have to remember that though I am only 40, and look much younger, I am still a woman in full menopause due to the complete hysterectomy six years ago.

And I talk to other friends that have heavy travel schedules like I do and they, too, are finding it just as hard as me to go to the gym at the hotel at the end of the day.  I mean, let’s be honest.  You are away from home, you are up at 6 AM to catch up on emails so that you can be at a client’s office by 7:30, you leave the client’s office after 6 PM to go back to the hotel to…..work a few more hours.

I have been home for a solid week now.   I have cooked almost every day this week and re-stocked my pantry with basics.  I got some things under control here, like laundry and the stacks of unread mail in my office.   I still have some things I’d like to get in better shape, though, like the bookshelves in my room.   I can’t help but think, however, that my BODY needs to be one of the things I get back into shape.

I have this love/hate relationship with the gym.  Once I get into a routine, I have a love affair with the gym.  I love lifting weights and having the forced focus that free weights demands in order to lift safely.   The hate part comes in the form of cardio.  The “need” for hard cardio was shoved down my throat for too many years (my ex-husband).  At times, I do find a love of the Stairmaster or a Spinning Class.

The human psychology is an odd thing.  We resist doing things we at one time loved and know make us feel better simply due to negative associations and ghosts of our past.  It seems silly when you look at it from the outside, but when I realize that both of the girls have similar negative feelings about working out, it was one of those deep hits on all of us girls in the family.  Truly not worth going into the details at this moment since it’s history…but I know that it damaged how all of us look at exercise.

So, the question is:   Do I avoid going to the gym due to feeling no matter what I do, it’s not good enough?  Or can I finally find the joy I have allowed fear to rob me of?

I have rediscovered my old love of golf.  Something I enjoyed as a teenager, but gave up after marriage because my husband told me it was stupid.  One of my gifts to myself is going to be some golf lessons and a new driver.  But I realized when I was in Santa Fe, up in the altitude, that I am incredibly out of shape.  Climbing several flights of stairs should not have made me have to catch my breath.  How can I truly enjoy things I love - like golf, hiking, and just general playing around - if I am carrying an extra 20 pounds and have the cardio stamina of an old woman?

I am a long believer of the realities that life is too short. I am also a believer that if you desire change in your life, it is possible.  I have made so many changes in my life, working from the inside on things that people can’t see, but I know are different and a more positive way of living.

I have already dug out my gym membership card, gym clothes, and updated my IPod with some favorite workout songs.  I just have to take that first step, and put them all to use.  So, now it’s time to step that up a notch and see if I can make the changes for myself that are good for not just my insides  but also my outsides.