Deb Smouse

I read a really great article in the April 2008 issue of The Writer about Writer’s Block and working around and past it. It talked a good deal about what I see about my block, for my writing right now, and that is emotional blocks. When you write about things the way I do - mostly taking bits and pieces of things that have happened to me and writing about them either truthfully for a non-fiction piece or expanding upon it for a fiction piece, you have to dig deep into the psyche of emotions and thought processes. It’s tapping into your own vulnerability that allows you to truly write the heart of a character.

I sit to write and the words just don’t come out.

I was looking for the dates of a school my ex is going to so that I could put it on my calendar and adjust my travel and work schedule around it. He emailed me a few weeks back and thanks to gmail, I can search. I knew the school was in Austin, so I searched on that word….and came across the email I needed (Yah, Gmail!) as well as an old email to The Pilot Guy about work and life and such….

The email was almost too honest in spaces and I am amazed at my vulnerability there.  It was over a year old….talking about the pros and cons of my old job.  The content isn’t as important at the tone, though, and the way I laid my feelings out…..I need to tap back into that head space…but then, I was a different person then.  We change a bit each day, I think, and don’t realize the changes except when we look back at things.

I had started an extended piece of writing about that time and opened it up and looked at it.  Maybe I’ve grown too cynical to be that vulnerable with anyone - especially myself.  I guess it goes back to one of my words this year, and that is courage……

Next week will be the true test, though….when I am alone - away from the house, without good internet or cell phone connection unless I want to go into town.

But enough of that for now.

It was weird not traveling into OK/MO for work this week. It felt weird but also felt good. It sounds, though, that it was a good week to miss, at least the after work activities. I do fine with a couple of drinks with co-workers, but heavy drinking and partying isn’t my thing.

I made corn bread today to go with the turkey chili I thawed. The chili was gross….i had thought it would freeze and thaw well, but it didn’t, which is sad ’cause it was so good the first time. The cornbread, however, was very, very good.